Firstly I didn’t pick this line of occupation, it isn’t something I ever pictured myself doing because, I know how big a job editing is. This is a job that has been forced on me.
I have been working on my first ever editing job, deconstructing a manuscript with potential but extremely poorly written, like after the author finished writing the first draft, they never went back to it to work on it kind of editing, now it’s up to me to make it make sense and become a solid story.
It has been so time consuming and draining, because I have no choice but to channel all my creative and mental energy into it, so I can finish it once and for all, and get it permanently off my to-do list.
It doesn’t help that I have other things going, which need my creative juice to thrive and I can barely do that, I don’t even have the drive to do what I want since this manuscript dropped into my laps.
I’m hardly interested in anything, I try my hardest to not fall into a dark pit, because of how much things I haven’t been able to do because of this manuscript. I try socialising, doing things I love but all it does is take the edge of and distracts me for the time being, the feeling is fleeting and I end up filled with listlessness again. I feel like I have so much on my plate and there’s nothing I can take off.
I don’t know how it is for other editors but editing is completely draining for me. It has taken everything from me, I even think it causes me to get into a depressed state. It’s so bad, it is taking so much from me to keep myself from giving up and going about my daily life.
Being an editor isn’t for me, especially the Nigerian kind of editing. I don’t want to be an editor, especially for works that are more than 5000 words. It’s not a job that should be a side job, or a job that should be supplemented with others. How is that even effective? People are like it’s good and helps you with project management. No it isn’t, you’re not me, you don’t know how I operate.
My creative juice is for and should only ever be limited to me, I should only ever push myself this hard for my own writing. I can’t write if I’m an editor, it won’t work.
I never want to go through what I am going through again with this manuscript, which was the worst wake-up to editing—I can’t even work with the author, can’t ask the author questions about their story. I have to make decisions that aren’t mine to make. I don’t know but isn’t an editor meant to be working with an author, cause now that I’ve done all the work, the author has learnt nothing.
Anyway, never will I put myself in such a situation again. I know what I will and won’t accept.